Trascrizione in inglese dei dialoghi dell'episodio:

HERE SHE COMES... MISS AMPHIPOLIS

Episodio: n. 11

seconda serie

(si ringrazia Xenamedia e Cristina Creek)

 

Gabrielle: "Feel the sun on our face. Smell the air. You know, if Salmoneus had to send for us, he could have picked a worse place than this to meet."
Xena: "Yeah, it's nice. It wasn't always like this. See that wreck up on the rocks?"
Gabrielle: "Looks like the remains of a warship."
Xena: "One of dozens that attacked this beach in a battle that was so bloody the sand was soaked red."
Gabrielle: "Thanks for sharing. When was it?"
Xena: "It's been almost a year now since the Peace was signed."
Gabrielle: "Ah, that's plenty of time for things to return to being safe and normal … OOF!"
Xena: "Are you alright?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, yeah, I think so. Where did this (rut) come from?"
Xena: "The same place as that one."
Gabrielle: "They're so deep. Hey! Look! Ha! Clams! Oh yeah! There's lots of them, too. I know what I'm having for dinner."
Gabrielle: "What do you think made these ruts?"
Xena: "Only one thing I know makes tracks that deep … a fully armed war wagon."
Gabrielle: "A war wagon? What would it be doing here? I thought you said it was peaceful."
[Several thugs chase a group of scantily clad young women down the beach (Baywatch-style) toward the dynamic duo.]
Thug: "Come back, girls! How about a little kiss? What's your hurry?!"
[Xena uses her many skills to chase the villainous rogues off by means of the ever-effective clam toss.]
Salmoneus: "Get away from those girls! And stay away! …. Is everybody okay? Because frankly, I was worried. These costumes were not designed to take this kind of abuse."
Miss Parnassus: "Costumes! Just wait till I tell my sponsor."
Salmoneus: "Don't forget to tell him who saved you. A man of surprising courage, deceptive strength and ingenious skill ... and is not above accepting financial remuneration …"
Young Woman: "Thanks for nothing."
Salmoneus: "… Xena, I was just talking about you ... sort of."
Xena: "Beauty contest?! You sent urgent word for us to come and see some under-dressed, over-developed bimbos in a beauty contest?!"
Salmoneus: "Pageant. It's called a pageant."
Gabrielle: "Contest. Pageant. It's a feeble excuse for men to exploit and degrade women."
Salmoneus: "Wrong as usual, Miss Sunshine, since when do we ever need an excuse."
Salmoneus: "Besides, it's more like 'combat' than 'contest.' It had such potential when Lord Clairon proposed it as a way to celebrate a year of peace. Merchandising … local franchising …"
Xena: "Wake me when you get to the 'urgent' part."
Salmoneus: "Remember the leaders who wrote that treaty about a year ago?"
Xena: "The Doge of Messini, the Regent of Skiros, and the Palatine of Parnassus?"
Salmoneus: "Well spoken. They've each entered their girlfriends in the pageant. And since then, we've had nothing but trouble. Wrecked costumes, ripped props, and now this business on the beach."
Xena: "Sounds like someone's trying to wage a war by proxy."
Gabrielle: "That would explain the war wagon tracks."
Salmoneus: "And that's why I sent urgent word. If you don't help keep this on a level, each leader is going to blame the other, and soon we're all buying headstones."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, probably from you."
Gabrielle: "Why don't you just cancel the pageant?"
Salmoneus: "Lord Clairon's tried that. Each of these guys is so invested in winning that no one wants to quit first. The way I see it … what we need, see, is a contestant to keep an eye on things … [wink, wink] … on the inside."
Gabrielle: "Oh, no, no, no. Don't even look at me. Now you know how I feel about these women being victimized by meat markets."
Xena: "She's right. But, war makes everyone a victim, so ... meet Miss Amphipolis."
ATTO 1

Salmoneus: "Now, remember, if anybody asks, you're Miss Amphipolis and you're her sponsor, the Marchesa."
Xena: "What about the contest itself?"
Salmoneus: "Here's the deal … each girl competes in three events to win. Miss one of them, whatever the reason, you're out of the pageant and can't get back in. One miss, you're gone, understand?"
Xena: "Excuse me."
Miss Skiros: "Watch it, clod. Or can't you see from up there?"
Salmoneus: "Excuse me, Miss Messini? Sorry to interrupt. I want to introduce you to our newest contestant, Miss Amphipolis, and her sponsor, The Marchesa … Ladies, this is Miss Messini, sponsored by the Doge of Messini."
Miss Messini: "Hello."

Gabrielle as The Marchesa: [with a very strange accent] … "It's good to meet you. Don't let us keep you from your …" ... [An arrow is triggered as Miss Messini begins to strum her harp. Xena tosses her concealed chakram at the arrow, breaking it in two. After its return journey, she tosses the chakram into Salmoneus' shocked hands.]
Miss Messini: "You saved my life! Did you see that? He saved my life."
Salmoneus: "Yes! Yes, I did. It was nothing."
Miss Messini: "Nothing? I wouldn't call that arrow nothing, and I don't think my sponsor will either once he finds out about it."
Salmoneus: "Talk about a close call. If Miss Messini had been skewered, the Doge would have blamed the other two. I would have lost both the Peace and my shirt in one fell swoop."
Gabrielle: "Your concern is so touching."

Gabrielle: Look, as long as we can keep the contest fair while we find out who's doing this, we'll be fine."
Xena: "Okay, Salmoneus, you find me a disguise, while you get to know the other sponsors."
Gabrielle: "Got it."
Xena: "We'll meet back here after the first event."
Matron: "Matron of the pageant coming in! There's no time for modesty. I've got ten more of you wannabes to see before … here, what's this?"
Xena: "What?"
Matron: "Aren't you … yes, I'm sure you are."
Xena: "What?"

Matron: "You're wearing the robe inside out."
Xena: "Oh!"
Matron: "Why the gods waste beauty on girls like you, I'll never know. If I had half your looks, I could rule the world."
Xena: "Look, I'm sorry about the robe. I'm just so totally thrilled to be here that--"
Matron: "Oh, save it for the judges. I'm on a schedule."

Doge of Messini: "That arrow nearly killed her! And, why? Because one of you wants to stop me from winning, that's why. It's an insult!"
Lord Clairon: "We don't know for a fact that--"
Palatine of Parnassus: "And what about me? My girls was attacked on the beach by thugs one of you hired to stop me from winning. It's a slur on my honor."
Lord Clairon: "As I said, nothing's been proven about anyone--"
Regent of Skiros: "Will you listen to yourselves? Hissing and moaning when it's clear my girl is going to win this one."
Doge of Messini: "What are you talking about?"
Palatine of Parnassus: "Are you saying my girl--"
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Er-hem! Is this a private bash or can any sponsor join?"
Lord Clairon: "You're a sponsor?"
Gabrielle: "That's right. I am called the Marchesa. And from what I just hear, I am the lot better sponsor than any of you. Your contestant is nearly killed and it's you who is insulted. Get a life! And yours is attacked but it's your disgrace. Give me a break! And I suppose if yours gets hurt it would be about you, too. Well, all I can say to you three is ... clear the runaway because my contestant is going to wipe the floor with all of you."

Doge of Messini: "And just who is your contestant?!"

Miss Parnassus: "Her name is Miss Amphipolis."
Miss Skiros: "Odd, her being sponsored by a woman."
Miss Messini: "I'll say. You wouldn't think a woman would put you through all this just to win a silly contest."
Miss Parnassus: "I just keep focused on the extra food my village will get if I win. The Palatine promised."
Miss Skiros: "Well, nobody twisted my arm to be here. I'm going to use this thing to get as far away from here as possible. And all I can say, is Miss Amphipolis better not get in the way."
Xena: "Thanks for the warning. I'll have to keep that in mind."
Miss Skiros: "Do that."
Miss Parnassus: "I gotta go. Too much steam, I turn all pruny."
Miss Messini: "Yeah, me, too. Besides, it's nearly time for the first event."
Xena: "Sounds like this pageant means a lot to you, huh?"
Miss Skiros: "No … but winning it does. And you can bet I'll do whatever it takes." … [stalks off]
Xena: "Was it something I said?"
[Finding herself now alone in the steam room, Xena tries to leave but the doors are locked. Never one to quit so easily, she strips off her towel and uses it to lasso a vent up near the ceiling.]
Gabrielle: [hears a knock at the door] … "Xena! It's about time! Keeping us all waiting … Where is she?!"
Salmoneus: "She's not back?"
Gabrielle: "No."
Salmoneus: "You know, she misses this, she's out of the pageant, no 'if', 'and's or 'but's. Gone. Finito. Out!"

Gabrielle: "I know that. So do those warlords. You should have seen the way they acted, like this contest is all about them and how great they are. And, I'm telling you, they'll do anything to win."
Salmoneus: "That's unusually perceptive of you. The question is, which one?"
Gabrielle: "I wish I knew."
Salmoneus: "I wish I could stay, but I have a show to MC. If Xena gets back, get her dressed and down to the stage fast. If she doesn't stay in to keep this thing on a level, we're all goners. Buh-bye!"

Salmoneus: "Come on, everybody, give it up for Miss Artiphys, huh? Come on, a big hand for Miss Artiphys! … Let's hear it for all our contestants!"
Salmoneus: [getting the thumbs up from a late arriving Gabrielle] … "And now, it gives me great pleasure to present to you our last contestant ... Miss Amphipolis
[Meanwhile, As Miss Amphipolis struts her stuff on stage, someone creeps through the gals' room and takes Xena's leathers from their trunk.]

ATTO 2


Salmoneus: "Xena, is that really you? ... Acckk! ... brilliant disguise."
Xena: "Sorry."
Salmoneus: "What happened? You were almost disqualified."
Xena: "Which is exactly what someone wanted."
Gabrielle: "Did she tell you she was locked in the steam room?"
Salmoneus: "Someone tried to sauté you?"
Xena: "Yes … [holds up an earring] … and I think I know who."

Xena: "Looking for this? … [Miss Artiphys tries to move past Xena, but Xena reaches up and snatches Miss Artiphys' wig clean off her … um, his head] … Now, I want some straight answers."
Miss Artiphys: "You've got the wrong girl. Okay, okay. I was just kidding. Where's your sense of humor?"
Xena: "Gee, I must have sweated it out. That your idea of funny, too?"
Miss Artiphys: "I was just trying to scare you."
Xena: "Why'd you want to scare me?"
Miss Artiphys: "Because I knew you knew, you know, about me, and I didn't want you telling anyone. But when I came back to unlock the door, you'd already gone."
Xena: "What made you think I'd tell?"
Miss Artiphys: "You really don't get it, do you? Being born a woman, I guess you wouldn't. This is a chance to use a part of people usually laugh at, or worse. A part I usually have to hide, only here, that part works for me, see?"
Xena: "I don't think so."
Miss Artiphys: "Look, I don't expect you to understand, and I'm sorry I got you steamed. I just hope you let me quit the pageant in private, instead of going public with it."
Xena: "No way … may the best person win."

Lord Clairon: "What else can I do? We've always been neutral, even during the war. That's why there's no army to call out, just some reserves and I'm using all I've got."
Palatine of Parnassus: "Then you'd better draft more … or I'll be forced to bring in my own men."
Regent of Skiros: "He brings in his own men, so do I."
Doge of Messini: "And I."
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Will you listen to yourselves? How do you think the contestants feel under all this pressure?"
Regent of Skiros: "Who cares? As long as mine wins."
Palatine of Parnassus: "I told mine I didn't care if she wins … I just don't want her to lose."
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Very understanding."
Doge of Messini: "What did you tell yours?"
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "I do not tell her anything. We are a team. I ask."
Palatine of Parnassus: "Yeah, right!"
Palatine of Parnassus: "One more incident and I'm bringing in my troops."
Regent of Skiros: "That makes two of us."
Lord Clairon: "I'll send out a call for more volunteers."
Doge of Messini: "Marchesa, that asking stuff, it works for you?"
Gabrielle: "Every time."

Gabrielle: "Remember, a beauty pageant is like a war. To win you have to be fired with the heat of competition ... the power ... the passion ... the desire to win."
Xena: "Gabrielle, we're not here to win. We're here to stop a war."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, sure. But there's no harm in winning, right?"
Salmoneus: "Follow your moves, keep it warm, and whatever happens, try to stay upright. Okay, let's hit it … one … two … three …"
"Like soft gentle winds that will blow through your hair
Like fire that warms you when no one else cares
Like flowers that bloom from the earth in the spring
A Woman's a natural thing."

"Like flora and fauna that brightens your day
Like the water we drink and the sea where we play
Like dragonflies riding the air on their wings
A Woman's a natural thing."
"So give thanks and give praise to the gods for their wonderful bounty
And thanks to our leaders from city and county
But most of all, honor their goddess, Demeter
With flowers and songs and crops that will feed her
To her we will lift up our cups as we sing
A Woman's a natural thing ... yeah!"
Salmoneus: "Okay, take five. I'll work with you in small groups."
Palatine of Parnassus: "You move very well."
Xena: "Thanks."
Palatine of Parnassus: "You look familiar. Have we met before?"
Xena: "I'm sure I would have remembered."
Palatine of Parnassus: "Then allow me to introduce myself. I am the Palatine of Parnassus."
Xena: "Miss Amphipolis."
[Xena extends her hand to shake it with the Palatine, who then proceeds to kiss it repeatedly and in a less than seductive way.]

Xena: "You keep your greasy lips off my arm … and apologize."
Palatine of Parnassus: [gasping] … "I'm sorry."
Xena: "Not to me … [nods towards a glaring Miss Parnassus] … to her."
Palatine of Parnassus: "We're not done, you and me, not by a long shot."

Salmoneus: "Next we have Miss Skiros. As cool as the marble her country is known for, Miss Skiros' hobbies include music, exotic dancing and making sacrifices to the gods! Her favorite deity … Aphrodite! Let's hear it for Miss Skiros, everybody!"
Salmoneus: "Next up, we have Miss Amphipolis. A country girl at heart, Miss Amphipolis enjoys the simple things in life ... weaving tapestries, making candles, and doing volunteer work with her local Hestian virgins. Put 'em together for the phenomenal Miss Amphipolis!"
Palatine of Parnassus: "Wait! That woman, she's not a contestant! That's Xena, Warrior Princess!"

ATTO 3


Doge of Messini: "She's a hired mercenary!"
Regent of Skiros: "It's a breach of the Peace!"
Palatine of Parnassus: "This means war! Arrest her! Arrest the Warrior Princess!"
Miss Artiphys: "Honey, I'm no Princess ... I'm a Queen."
Salmoneus: "Actually, folks, this lanky beauty is our last contestant, Miss Artiphys. Whose hobbies include archery, horse breeding, and knowing the complete score to every musical ever written. Put 'em together for Miss Artiphys, everybody!"
Salmoneus: "I have the preliminary decision right here. Ladies, when I read out your names will you please step forward. Here they are, the finalists for the title of Miss Known World … Miss Messini … Miss Skiros … Miss Parnassus … Miss Artiphys … and last, but not least, Miss Amphipolis!"
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Yes! Brilliant! You go, girl! Miss 'A' all the way!"
Salmoneus: "There they are, the five semi-finalists for the title of Miss Known World!"
Xena: "How did you … why?"
Miss Artiphys: "I guess we've both got our secrets. Thanks for keeping mine."
Salmoneus: "Now, don't forget to come back for our final round … the Talent Competition!"

Gabrielle: "I still don't understand why you won't sing. You would be a shoe-in if you did."
Xena: "Gabrielle, I've told you before, I sing when I'm moved, when there's something behind it. It's not about performance."
Gabrielle: "As a bard and a fellow creative artist I can understand that. Which just leaves us one question ... what can you do?!" Xena: "I don't know, finding out who's sabotaging things would be a great start. Next time they strike, someone could get killed."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, you. Whoever's doing this wants to get to those warlord beauties, and how better to do it than to just, you know, you?"
Xena: "You just gave me a great idea."
Gabrielle: "About how to catch whoever's doing this?"
Xena: "No. About what to do for my talent."
Matron: [barges into the gals' room] "What are you doing here? That is, I thought you'd be rehearsing for the talent event. And aren't you supposed to be at a meeting?"
Gabrielle: "What meeting?"

Palatine of Parnassus: "I was made to look like a fool."
Doge of Messini: "A fairly simple task."
Regent of Skiros: "You should tak."
Lord Clairon: "Gentlemen. Gentlemen, please. This is not solving the problem."
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "He is right. This stunt Miss Artiphys pulled only show how on edge things are. It was a joke, for Zeus' sake. It is nothing to call the troops in for."
Palatine of Parnassus: "Maybe not, but what about everything else our girls have been through? At least, most of our girls."
Regent of Skiros: "Can I help it if mine's lucky?"
Palatine of Parnassus: "I'm beginning to think maybe you can."
Doge of Messini: "Yeah, funny how nothing's happened to your girl … yet."
Regent of Skiros: "She gets so much as a hangnail, I won't wait for the judges. I'll make my own declaration … and it will be war!"
Palatine of Parnassus: "And that goes double for me."
Lord Clairon: "I'm going to go and beef up stage security."
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Look what you do."
Doge of Messini: "Me?"
Gabrielle as The Marchesa: "Yes, threatening Miss Skiros like this. What is it with you three? Always threats, ultimatums. You are here to celebrate peace and work together. Now just shut up and do it!"

Gabrielle: "This is sabotage!"
Xena: "Gabrielle, it's just a bad dress."
Gabrielle: "Bad dress?! Xena, chiffon is bad. Chartreuse is bad. But this is a disaster! You will be eliminated halfway down the catwalk."

Xena: "Calm down. Look, if it really bother you, I'll fix it." … [Xena starts hacking away at her unsightly dress with a small dagger]
Gabrielle: "… getting better …"
Pageant Matron: [barges in … again] … "You're pretty good with a knife ... for a contestant, that is."
Xena: "Well, I have many skills."
Xena: [having practiced her amazing sword wielding skills for the talent competition] … "Well, it's not Sophocles, but it will have to do."
Xena: "Miss Messini? What happened?"
Miss Messini: "Nothing. I'm fine, really. Just a little something in my eye is all."
Xena: "Oh, I guess we're all kinda keyed up, you know, wondering who's going to win the pageant and all, huh?"
Miss Messini: "No."
Miss Messini: "I think it's a crock."
Xena: "You do?"
Miss Messini: "We all do … except for you. Then again, you're not from around here. You can't know how stupid something like this seems when you've been through a war where it was a fight just to survive."
Xena: "If that's how you all feel, then why are you here?"
Miss Messini: "Different reasons. Miss Parnassus made a deal … if she wins the Palatine will give her village extra food for this coming winter. For Miss Skiros, the war was so terrible, and the memories … she wants to get away, so she's using this pageant to do it."
Xena: "And you? Why did you enter?"
Miss Messini: "I didn't. My boyfr- … my sponsor entered me. I guess I could have said no. But it just seemed to mean so much to him that I didn't want to hurt his feelings."
Xena: "What about your feelings? Don't they count?"
Miss Messini: "They never have before."
Miss Messini: "I mean, I know he loves me, but he's so hung on the way I look, you know, that it's hard for him to see past that to the person underneath. But, then, I guess a lot of people make that mistake, don't you?"
Xena: "I know they do. But, you can change that. Tell him how you feel. You're entitled."
Miss Messini: "You think so?"
Xena: "I know so. So should you."

[Meanwhile, someone begins to saw away at the a supporting beam which overhangs the stage.]

Xena: "What am I doing in there?"
Miss Skiros: "I don't know. I can't see any ..."
Xena: "Well, good luck."
Miss Skiros: "I make my own luck."
Xena: "Then you don't need a pageant to change it, do you?"
Gabrielle: "There you are! They pushed up the talent event. It's already started. Come on."

Salmoneus: "Thank you, Miss Messini, for that lovely rendition of … whatever that song you just played was. Miss Messini, everybody!"
Salmoneus: "And now … Miss Artiphys!" … [Miss Artiphys performs a wild ribbon dance to the tune of "The Flight of the Bumblebees"]
Xena: [backstage] "Any trouble so far?"
Salmoneus: "Nothing a hook wouldn't solve. If you mean danger, not yet."
Gabrielle: "Maybe we scared off the people who were trying to get the girls."
Xena: "Maybe, but my fear is they'll switch to targeting warlords."
Salmoneus: [sees his cue] "Wait."
Salmoneus: "Now, we have an act that's sure to be a charmer. Miss Skiros!"
Xena: [backstage] "Why the rush on this event?"
Salmoneus: "Don't ask me, ask him." … [points towards Lord Clairon]
[Meanwhile, as Miss Skiros charms her cobra out of it's basket, the half-sawed through ceiling support begins to give way.]

ATTO 4

[Just as Xena looks at Lord Clairon, he suspiciously looks up towards the beam above Miss Skiros. Xena follows his gaze and realizing that Miss Skiros is in mortal danger switches into warrior princess mode. She flips onto the stage. Pushes poor Miss Skiros out of the way and kicks the snake in the head. When the dust clears, Xena is standing on the falling hunk of ceiling with the unconscious cobra in her hands.]
Xena: "Thank you. Ta-da."
[While walking through a poorly lit area of the castle, the Doge of Messini is knocked out by an unknown assailant.]

Salmoneus: "What does she think she's doing, huh? She certainly picked a fine time to go touring around the castle. Doesn't she know it's dangerous out there?"
Gabrielle: "She'll be fine."

[While walking through a poorly lit area of the castle, the Palatine of Parnassus is knocked out by an unknown assailant.]
Gabrielle: "Now, the good news is that she's a cinch to win. Then, this is over and we're home free."
Salmoneus: "Unless something happens to her, then we're not so 'home free'."

[While walking through a poorly lit area of the castle, the Doge of Messini is knocked out by an unknown assailant.]

Gabrielle: "No on else knows she's in the castle. It's perfectly safe. Now, just don't worry."
[The Matron of the Pageant suspiciously lurks in the shadows as Gabrielle and Salmoneus walk by.]

Lord Clairon: "Miss Amphipolis, I'm Lord Clairon. Congratulations. I'd stake my life that the judges will chose you as the winner."
Xena: "Well, that's very kind of you to say."
Lord Clairon: "Not at all. In fact, kindness has nothing to do with it. I said that I'd stake my life, where in fact, I'm staking yours." … [whips out a big, bad dagger]
Xena: "What are you doing?
Lord Clairon: "You wouldn't understand. You weren't here for the war when our neutrality made this country rich."
Xena: "You made a profit out of death and suffering?"
Lord Clairon: "Let's just say, we filled a need. And then the Peace came and the good times were gone. That's why we need another war … to bring back the prosperity. And, that's why you have to die."
Xena: "So you're the one who's sabotaging this pageant."
Lord Clairon: "Can you think of a better way to get these fools to fight again without arousing suspicion?"
Xena: "As a matter of fact, I can't. But why don't we ask the fools themselves."… [Pulls a cloth off a nearby table to reveal the Doge, Palatine and Regent tied and gagged underneath.]

Lord Clairon: "You surprise me. I had no idea that a beauty contestant could be more than the sum her well-assembled parts."
Xena: "Neither did I."
Lord Clairon: "Now be smart and maybe I won't have to disassemble you."
Xena: "Trust me, you don't want to make me angry."
Lord Clairon: "Oh, on the contrary, I'm looking forward to it."
Xena: "Okay … [easily thwarts Clairon's attempts to skewer her] … Are we having fun yet?"
Xena: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
[It goes without saying that Xena mops the floor with poor, misled Lord Clairon.]
Lord Clairon: "But, how did you--"
Xena: "Know it was you? Only the guy who rigged it could have looked up at that beam. And, as for the security you were adding, well, there wasn't a guard in sight."
Gabrielle: "Xena!"
Gagged Guys Under the Table: "Xena?!"
Gabrielle: "I mean … Miss Amphipolis."
Xena: "It's alright, Gabriele. I think we all know who's who now."
Gabrielle: "Not quite. The judges have voted. They're ready to crown the a winner."

Salmoneus: "I have here the results of the first Miss Known World Pageant. Now, if for any reason the winner is unable to perform her duties … Like she isn't here!, then the crown will got the first runner-up and so on down the line. Is that understood?!
Xena: "Perfectly."

Salmoneus: "Xena, what have you done with Miss Amphipolis?"
Xena: "She's withdrawn from the pageant. She told me to say that she's learned a lot from all of you. But, it's time that she moved on."
Salmoneus: "But, she can't. I have the ballot right here. Uh-oh, she won, see? She can't quit now."
Xena: "She just did."
Salmoneus: "Right."

Salmoneus: "That means the winner will be our 1st runner-up, and that is-"
Miss Skiros: "Wait. I quit, too."
Regent of Skiros: "What?!"
Miss Skiros: "That's right. I thought I needed this crown to get away from a lot of bad luck. Turns out all I need is myself … and maybe someone to remind me of that once in a while."

Salmoneus: "Okay, moving on down the line … Ah, I see that our winner is--"
Miss Messini: "Wait. Me, too. I quit, too."
Salmoneus: "What, is this catching?"
Doge of Messini: "You heard her. She wants to quit. You got a problem with that?"
Salmoneus: "No, Sir. Especially because I think we have a winner right here--"
Miss Parnassus: "Then think again."
Palatine of Parnassus: "We had a deal! You'd put yourself before your village? You'd let them starve?"
Miss Parnassus: "No, I won't let them starve. I'll help them plant, and plow, and harvest year after year until we get through this. But to give away my pride and my dignity for one winter's food, where's the good in that?"
Salmoneus: "She has a point, which means that our winner is … Miss Artiphys!"
Salmoneus: "Thank you. You really saved my assets. You are something else."
Miss Artiphys: "You have no idea."
Salmoneus: "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you on her inaugural walk down our runway, your Miss Known World!"

"Stand back and let her through, she's the one girl who
A beauty so mythic, her figure's terrific
She's Miss Known World."

"With a face and form so sublime
She's a legend within her own time
So stand back, make way, let her smile make your day
She's Miss Known World."

Gabrielle: "So Miss Know World is a man?"
Xena: "Yep."
Gabrielle: "It's kinda funny, huh?"
Xena: "Why? Beauty is beauty."
Gabrielle: "And peace is peace."

Xena: "Are you going to write about this?
Gabrielle: "Oh yeah. I was thinking about calling it 'Queen for a ...'"
Xena: "Gabrielle."
Gabrielle: "What a drag--"
Xena: "Gabrielle…"
Gabrielle: "Okay, okay."