Trascrizione in inglese dei dialoghi dell'episodio:

A day in the life

Episodio: n. 15

seconda serie

(si ringrazia Xenamedia e Cristina Creek)

 

*** Some very unfortunate soldiers sneak up on the Warrior Princess and discover a new respect for cookery.
Xena: (to aforementioned soldiers) "Want some breakfast?! .. Come on! Come and get me! … Oh, you're so good."
Gabrielle: (picking up their now mangled frying pan) "Xena!"
Xena: "What? … (to half conscious soldier) … Where do you think you're going?" - Puts the pinch on the unlucky soldier.
Gabrielle: "Xena, this was our only frying pan. Why do you do that. You do have weapons, don't you?!"Xena: "I like to be creative in a fight. It gets my juices flowing."Gabrielle: "Can we cook with your juices?!"
Soldier: "Could you guys talk about this some other time?!"
Xena: "Oh yeah, I've cut off the …"
Soldier: "Flow of blood to my brain. I've heard all about it. What do you want to know?"
Xena: "Who sent you?"
Soldier: "Zagreas. He wants to loot a little village not far from here that had a big harvest this year."
Xena: "What village?"
Soldier: "Piedmont. Zagreas heard you were in the area, so he sent us to stop you before you could get in his way."
Xena: "Looks like we're going to Piedmont. Okay, Gabrielle …"
Soldier: "Hey! Hey!"Xena: "Oh, sorry. I guess I haven't totally woken up yet." - Un-pinches the poor fellow.

Gabrielle: "Which way?"
Xena: "I don't know. I've never been here before."
Gabrielle: "Xena, you know, you should have asked for instructions when you had the pinch on that guy."
Xena: "Well, you were there. Why didn't you ask him?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, like you want me to butt in on one of your pinch interrogations."
Xena: "Why not? You ask good questions."
Gabrielle: "Really? Thank you
Gabrielle: "Xena, here comes a guy. Let's try this. You put the pinch on him and I'll ask the questions."Xena: "Hey, why don't we try asking him the regular way first, huh?"Gabrielle: "Alright."
Gabrielle: "Excuse me, sir -"
Hower: "You're Xena."
Xena: "Yes … (Hower just stares awestruck at the Warrior Princess) … hmm?"
Hower: "Oh, uh, my village is in great danger."
Xena: "Is Zagreas after your village, too?"
Hower: "Not Zagreas. A giant wanted us to pay him protection money, but we didn't have enough. So, he says he's going to come this afternoon and flatten our town."
Gabrielle: "Two villages in dire straights. I hate when that happens. Well, I guess we'll just have to methodically examine the needs of each village and then determine where we can do the most good. Yeah?"

Gabrielle: "Alright, now I've made a list of pro's and con's, which village is in the greater danger, which has the most to lose, giant vs. warlord, and so on. Now, I'm sure with careful consideration of the facts we can come to the right decision."Xena: (flips a dinar) "Heads ... we take on the giant."Gabrielle: "Of course, that's another way."
Hower: "Oh, uh, Laurel, it's this way."
Gabrielle: "Hey! Hower, does your village have a store that sells frying pans?"
Xena: "You know, I really don't want to hear about this all day."
Gabrielle: "Look, I'll drop it. I suppose raw meat can't kill you."
Xena: "Fine."

Gabrielle: "Are you male or female?"
Xena: "Male."
Gabrielle: "Living? Dead?"
Xena: "Oh, I am very dead."
Gabrielle: "Were you killed by a certain Warrior Princess?"
Xena: "Yes."
Gabrielle: "Well, that narrows it down ... a little. Huh."
Gabrielle: "Atyminius."Xena: "No."Gabrielle: (swings at Xena with her staff) "I almost got you this time."Xena: "No, you didn't."Gabrielle: "What are you talking about, I was this close."Xena: "You were this close, because I let you get this close.Gabrielle: "We'll see."
Xena: "Hower … how big is this giant?"
Hower: "I don't know. He's never been to our village before. He just sends threats through a messenger."
Gabrielle: "Well, how do you know there really is a giant?"
Hower: "We've heard that he's already destroyed a village in the next valley."
Xena: "So, he's never been to your village. We may be able to use that to buy some time."
Xena: (stomach grumbles loudly) "I had no breakfast, alright? Hower, is there a creek nearby?"
Hower: "Uh, yeah, just over that ridge."
Xena: "Let's take a detour and eat."
Gabrielle: "Fish sounds good. You know, a frying pan would come in handy right now."
Xena: "Get off it Gabrielle."

Gabrielle: "Are you a warlord or royalty?"Xena: "Warlord."Hower: "Doesn't she need a fishing pole?"Gabrielle: "Much too conventional for her … (to Xena) … Are you Dagnine?"Xena: "Nope."
Xena: "What do you like, Hower? Trout or perch?"
Hower: "Trout."
Gabrielle:"I'll take salmon."
Xena: "Wrong kind of creek. Wrong season. Wrong --"
Gabrielle: Fine. How about eel?"
Xena: "Eel."
Xena: (looks across creek) "See that? Horse tracks, lots of them. Looks like Zagreas' army forded the creek here recently. That means it won't be long before they strike at Piedmont."
Gabrielle: "What a shame that little village has to be looted."
Xena: "I'm not going to let that happen, Gabrielle."
Gabrielle: "Xena, you can't stop it. You can't be in two places at once."
Xena: "I don't have to be … (plucks an eel out of the creek) … Hyah! One eel coming up! There you go!" -- Tosses eel in Gabs' direction.
Gabrielle: "That's funny. Yeah."
Hower: "Let me ask you something, Gabrielle. Does Xena ever think about settling down and getting married?"
Gabrielle: "No, she likes what I do ... (a fish smacks poor Gabs in the face) ... I think she likes what she's doing. No, I don't think settling down is for Xena."
Hower: "Hmm. Maybe she just hasn't met the right guy."
Gabrielle: "You know, anything's possible, Hower … (smack!) … Hower, I saw some wood laying around, would you mind collecting it? We're going to have to cook these somehow!"
Gabrielle: "Another one's falling for you."Xena: "Again?"Gabrielle: "Yeah."Xena: "Why does this always happen?"Gabrielle: "It's the blue eyes, the leather. Some guys just love leather."Xena: "I think a wardrobe change is in order."Gabrielle: "You could wear chain mail."Xena: "Yeah, but I think that'd just attract a kinkier group."Gabrielle: "You're probably right."Xena: "On the other hand, I could just stop bathing and wear a smelly wolf's skin. That'd turn them off."Gabrielle: "That's true, of course you'd also be traveling alone."
Hower: "Flowers for a flower."Xena: "Oh … thanks, Hower."Hower: (to Gabrielle) "Did you see that?"Gabrielle: "What?"Hower: "She took the flowers. She likes me."Gabrielle: "Oh boy."

Xena: "Gabrielle, what do you think you're doing? That's just great! It's going to smell like fish for days."Gabrielle: "What was I supposed to use, huh? You threw our only good cutting knife at a warlord last week. I bet it's still sticking out of his thigh."Hower: "I'll wash it off for you."Xena: "That's alright, Hower."
Xena: "How far are we away from your village?"
Hower: "It's about two more hours due east."
Xena: "Good. We can find it on our own. There is something you can do for me.
Hower: "Anything."
Xena: "I want you to deliver a message to Zagreas. Tell him not to worry about anything. I won't get in his way if he won't get in mine."
Hower: "That's it?"
Xena: "Yep."
Gabrielle: "I don't understand it either, but I've learned that she works in mysterious ways."

Gabrielle: "The Bacchae grabbed their victim like a python! … The Bacchae fell on their victims like hungry wolves! … That'll work." -- Prepares to write her latest creation on her scroll to find that the last half of it is missing."
Gabrielle: (to a guilty looking Xena who's adjusting her skirt) "You used my scrolls?!"
Xena: "Now take it easy. There were no good leaves in the bush. I used a piece that didn't have much writing on it."
Gabrielle: "You …"
Xena: (the ground shakes) "The giant's coming,"

Gabrielle: "I hope I spelled 'Laurel' right."
Xena: "Who cares? Giants can't spell."
Gabrielle: "You know, how do you know he's coming this way? I haven't heard him in a few minutes. Maybe … maybe he's gone another route."
Xena: "There's a giant's burial ground close by. I'm figuring he might want to stop there on the way … (the ground shakes) … Let's go. Gabrielle?"
Gabrielle: (still fiddling with the fake 'street' sign) "What?"
Xena: "Come on."



Gabrielle: "Fat?"
Xena: "No … buff."
Gabrielle: "Hm. Toxius."
Xena: "No."
Xena: "That's interesting."
Gabrielle: "What? There's actually something interesting about this place, Xena? Hello, this is like every other village we've ever been in. You know, for once you'd think somebody would try something new ... line the road with birch trees, or ..."
Xena: "No, I mean there's no one here."
Minya: (with small goat in hand) "Oh, stop wiggling … stop wiggling you rotten goat!"
Gabrielle: "Hello?"
Minya: "Oh! -- You're Xena, aren't you?"
Xena: "Yes."
Minya: "Alright! I finally get to meet the Warrior Princess herself. I've heard about all of your adventures, how you unchained Death and liberated Prometheus and nailed the Callisto bitch."Xena: "Listen, I'm just here to --"Minya: "You are the main thing. The real deal. You know, the number one attraction … and, um … (to Gabrielle) … you must be … um … Lariel."
Minya: "What's it like to travel with the hottest warrior in the butt-kicking biz, huh? Does she sleep in that --?"
Gabrielle: "Well ..."
Xena: "Hey! Lady, we're on a mission."
Minya: "And that's why we stayed behind to help. All of the other villagers - they've run up to the hills, except for me and my boyfriend, Hower. You've probably met him already. Where is he?"
Xena: "He's doing me a favor. He told me about your problem."
Minya: "Well, I want you to know I'm ready to do anything you need. I'm as strong as a bull, and I can read. That's a pretty rare combination in these parts."
Minya: "So, what's your plan."
Xena: "I don't know yet. I'm going to have to think this one out."
Minya: "Fine. What can I do to help you concentrate?"

Gabrielle: "Myzentius?"Xena: "No."Gabrielle: "Who could it be ... don't tell me."
Minya: (pouring more water into the tub) "Is it too hot?"
Xena: "No, it's just right."
Minya: "I'll go get some more."
Gabrielle: "What are we going to do about the giant?"
Xena: "I don't know. It hasn't hit me yet."
Gabrielle: "You know, we could get Minya to round up all the mirrors."
Xena: "Mirrors?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah, in case he's wearing a helmet. You know, like Goliath. You can reflect the sun onto him and he'll take off the helmet and expose the giant soft spot."
Xena: "I've already done that."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, I know. And it worked. You know, you don't have to be original every time you fight, Xena."
Xena: "I suppose not - here, now I'll do your back."
Xena: (Minya pours another bucket of piping hot water into the tub) "That's enough, Minya!"
Gabrielle: "She's in that 'I'll do anything for the Warrior Princess' haze."
Xena: "Yeah, well, she's a good kid, I suppose."
Gabrielle: "You know, her boyfriend's in love with you. I guess I'll have to straighten that out, too."
Xena: "Why you?"
Gabrielle: "Because I do the sensitive chats."
Xena: "Well, that doesn't mean that I can't."
Gabrielle: "Why do you have to be so competitive about everything?"Xena: "Oh, and you're not?"Gabrielle: "I'm less competitive than you are."
Xena: (Minya pours yet another bucket of water into the tub) "That's enough, Minya! Thank you."
Minya: "Sure. You got your plan yet?"
Xena: "Well …"
Gabrielle: "We want you to collect all the mirrors in town."
Minya: "Is that what you want, Xena? Are mirrors part of the plan?"
Xena: "Yeah … for now."
Xena: "What?"
Gabrielle: "You said 'for now'."
Xena: "So."
Gabrielle: "You're not going to do that again, are you?"
Xena: "What?"
Gabrielle: "You know 'what'. We set up a perfectly good plan and then you change it."
Xena: "Well, you gotta be flexible, it comes with the job."
Xena: "Are you sitting on the soap?"Gabrielle: "I was wondering what that was."

Minya: "Hower, Xena's here. Isn't she incredible ... so strong ... so confident ... so brave ... so ... "Hower: "Beautiful."Minya: "Well, she's alright ... if you like that type."
Hower: "Xena … I delivered your message to Zagreas. He --"
Xena: "Wanted to know what I was up to and decided to hold off his attack on Piedmont till he could figure it out. And, he wouldn't agree to my offer."
Hower: "That's right! How did you know that?"
Xena: "I used to ride with Zagreas. He's got nerves of mush and he wouldn't trust his own mother."
Xena: "Hower, I want you to go back to him , and tell him that I don't mind if he sacks Piedmont, but he had better not come anywhere close to Laurel."
Hower: "Okay, anything you want, Xena. Well, I'm going now, Xena."
Minya: "Bye, Hower."
Xena: "Hey! Hower, say goodbye to Minya."
Hower: "Bye."
Minya: (Hower starts off at a jog to carry out Xena's instructions) "He's running. I've never seen him run for anything but a meal."
Xena: "When Hower gets back, one of us has got to talk to him."Gabrielle: "Hm … Minya, is this you frying pan?"Minya: "Yeah."Gabrielle: "Do you want to trade?"

*** Gabrielle tries to sneak up on Xena while she's meditating. Silly girl. Her attempt to 'get' Xena goes awry with one kick from the Warrior Princess.

Gabrielle: "Sinteres."Xena: "No."Gabrielle: "Was it someone you fought before I met you?"Xena: "No."
Gabrielle: "Fine. Who was it?"
Xena: "Theodorus."
Gabrielle: "Theodorus? Xena, Callisto killed Theodorus."
Xena: "Yeah, but she was in my body at the time."

Minya: "Ow!"
Xena: "Hey!"
Minya: "The rotten thing (Xena's whip) came back and bit me."
Xena: "You have to be careful with it. What are you doing with my whip, anyway?"
Minya: "It's not your whip anymore. I traded my best frying pan for it fair and square."
Gabrielle: "Look we have to cook our food. I'm still waiting for the fish we had for breakfast to stop trying to swim upstream."
Xena: "No, this isn't about cooking, is it?"
Gabrielle: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Xena: "I messed with your scrolls, so you ... you traded my whip for a frying pan? ... (to Minya) I want it back."
Minya: "No. It belongs to me. You don't get that concept very well, do you? The whip is mine ... the frying pan is yours ... Hower is mine ... she's yours."
Gabrielle: "Hmpf."
Xena: "I'm going to go check on the giant. Move all the mirrors to the north end of town."
Minya: "You're not the only tough broad around here, you know. You can run, but you can't hide. Warrior Princess my …"

Hower: "Ho, Xena!
Xena: "Yo, Hower."
Hower: "Zagreas is --"
Xena: "Moving in this direction?"
Hower: "How do you know that? You're a genius."
Xena: "No, I just know that scum always floats to the surface. He wants to see what I'm doing in Laurel. He figures there must be some profit in it."
Hower: "Uh-huh, but why do you want him to come this way? Then you'll have to fight the giant and Zagreas' army."
Xena: "Not if we time things right."
Hower: "What is it? … Wow! And I though I had big feet."Xena: "Three paces. It's got to be Gareth."Hower: "Who's Gareth?"Xena: "Only the biggest, meanest giant to ever walk the earth."



Minya: " 'Thanks to Xena, the Bacchae were turned into the beautiful women they were be--"
Gabrielle: "-fore."
Minya: "… before."
Gabrielle: "What do you think?"
Minya: "It's pretty good. Do you have one where Xena steals somebody's boyfriend, or do you always leave that part out?"
Gabrielle: "Minya, look Xena would never take anyone's boyfriend. She has more integrity in that way than anyone I've ever met. She will send the right message. I guarantee it."
Hower: "Minya, I want to be real honest with ya. I think I'm in love with Xena."
Minya: "She sent him a message, alright."
Gabrielle: "Xena, we need to talk about Hower."
Xena: "The giant is Gareth. We don't have much time. The mirror plan won't work."
Hower: "Gareth is --"
Minya: "The biggest, meanest giant to ever walk the earth. Xena's old buddy, Goliath, wanted to get revenge on Gareth for killing his family. But then, Xena and Goliath ended up on opposite sides during the Israelite-Philistine feud and Goliath got wasted … I read it in one of her scrolls."
Gabrielle: "Does Gareth wear a helmet?"
Xena: "With a heavy nose guard."
Gabrielle: "Well, why won't the mirrors --"
Xena: "There are heavy rain clouds moving in from the west. There won't be any sunshine to reflect."
Gabrielle: "What are we going to do?"
Xena: (thunder rumbles from the distance) "Zeus killed giants with lightning bolts."
Gabrielle: "How are we going to get lightning bolts?"

Xena: "There."Gabrielle: "What is it?"Xena: "I don't have a name for it, but if I can get it up into the air, I think we can use it to nail Gareth."Gabrielle: "Get it up into the air?"Xena: "Yeah, you know, make it fly. Let the wind carry it … Yah!"
*** Xena's flying parchment takes flight … for about 20 seconds.
Minya: (to Hower) "Looks like your precious has a screw loose."
Gabrielle: "Xena, look, I hate to doubt you after all we've been through, but I think this is a long shot."Xena: "Well, what's your plan?"Gabrielle: "Hey, don't get defensive. I just don't share your vision."Xena: "There were plenty of other times when you didn't share my vision."
Gabrielle: "And, you were right those other times, but eventually you're going to be wrong. Call it the law of averages. I'd just as soon it not be when the biggest giant to ever walk the earth is head our way."
Xena: "Maybe if I run with it ... Alright, come on, big guy."
Gabrielle: "Have faith, Gabrielle. Have faith … Aah!" -- Said not-quite-flying parchment attacks the poor bard.
Gabrielle: "Yes! Woo-hoo! We did it, we did it, we did it, we did it! Yeah! When Gareth gets here we're gonna have … a piece of parchment flying in the air ... with a belt buckle tied to it ... Xena, what is this supposed to do?"Xena: "Bring the power of Zeus to earth. Here, you take over. Keep it up in there just as long as you can. I'm going to talk some sense into Hower."

Hower: "Xena, I was just brushing Argo down for you … (to Argo) … I think she like me."Xena: "Hower, Minya is a good woman. She loves you, you're lucky to have her ... and you got a snowball's chance in Tartarus with me. You go that?"Hower: "I think you're denying your feelings, Xena, but I can be patient. You'll come around."

Xena: "Gabrielle?!"Gabrielle: "AHHHH! …(throws herself from the roof of the stable) ... You know, I would have had you if I hadn't done the war cry."Xena: "Yeah, sure you would."
Xena: "It's your turn to talk to Hower."
Gabrielle: "Right. Your flying parchment's stuck in a tree."

Hower: (from inside the stable) "My love for Xena will last forever!"
Minya: (Gab sees Xena talking to Minya in the distance) "Thanks, Xena."
Gabrielle: "What did you say to her?"
Xena: "I just gave her some advice about handling men. I don't know if she really listened. She doesn't trust me, you know. How'd it go with Hower?"
Gabrielle: "Not well. Maybe you could kick him around a little bit."
Xena: "Yeah, but he might like it."
Gabrielle: "That's true. Hm."
Xena: "If this works, I'll repay an old friend a debt."
Gabrielle: "Goliath?"
Xena: "Yeah. I've always regretted that he had to die. At least now I get to even the score for him. The giant that killed his family is headed toward the wrong village."
Gabrielle: "The dead can hear our thoughts. I'm sure that he knows you care about him."

Hower: (the ground shakes for several minutes) "What was that?"
Xena: "Sounds like Zagreas just ran into a certain giant. That Gareth never could resist stomping an army."
Hower: "Brilliant. That was your plan all along - to bring Zagreas into Gareth's path. Do all your plans work this well?"
Xena: "Let's hope so. 'Cause when he's done with Zagreas, he's coming for us."



Gabrielle: "What's taking him so long?"Xena: "Cut him some slack. He's just stomped a whole army. He's probably resting."Gabrielle: "Where's Minya?"Xena: "I hope she's taking some advice I gave her.
Zagreas: "Xena!"
Xena: "Hi, Zagreas. Having a bad day?"
Zagreas: "You set me up, Xena. That giant destroyed my entire army. It's not fair. I'm just trying to make a living - all us warlords are. A little looting. A little mayhem. You used to do it, Xena. But you changed, and you ruined everything for all of us with your chakram, your whip, your sword, your fists and your little tricks. You make fools of us all. Well, I'm here to end it, Xena - end it all. Yeah. One of us ain't leaving this place alive, Xena. Let's have at it!"
Minya: "Hey! Tough guy! You want to talk or fight?"
Zagreas: "Another one! Aahh!" -- Rushes headlong at Minya only to be stopped cold with a well-placed fist.
Hower: "Whoa, Minya, that was amazing. I had no idea you ..."Minya: "Looked so good in leather?"
Xena: (the ground shakes) "He's headed towards the giant's burial ground first. I've got to go out and meet him. If this doesn't work, or if the bad weather doesn't hold, I want you to get Hower and Minya to safety. Don't let them die in a lost cause."
Gabrielle: "Xena … I'm sorry I traded your whip for a frying pan."
Xena: "I shouldn't have used your scrolls. We're even … (the ground shakes) … It's time."

Xena: (perched in a tree) "Gareth … we meet again." -- Jumps from the tree and ties the flying parchment to Gareth's belt.
Gareth: (in hot pursuit of the Warrior Princess) "I'm going to squash you like an insect."
Xena: "In your dreams."
Gareth: "I'm going to get you, Xena!"
Xena: "Come on, handsome. Come on, Gareth, you couldn't catch a cold."
Xena: (running through the giant's burial ground) "You should have more respect for the dead ..."
Gareth: "You can't get away from me!"
Xena: "… you'll be joining them sooner than you think … (a large thunder cloud looms over Gareth) … Goliath says hello." -- Gareth is flambéed.

Xena: (star gazing) "That bunch up there looks like a big dipper."
Gabrielle: "A dipper?"
Xena: "Yeah, you know, like one of those cups you use to draw water out of a bucket."
Gabrielle: "It looks like a bear to me."
Xena: "A bear? Where do you get a bear?"
Gabrielle: (pointing towards the heavens) "There's the body. See it's little ears?"
Xena: "No."
Gabrielle: (Whack!!) "Xena, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"Xena: "I'll live."Gabrielle: "I'm sorry. I ... I never thought I'd really hit you. I ..."Xena: "It's alright, let's just go to sleep now, okay."Gabrielle: (plants a wet one on Xena's cheek)Xena: "Hey!"Gabrielle: "Did you just let me hit you?"Xena: "No, you nailed me fair and square."Gabrielle: "You did, didn't you? You let me hit you because you feel sorry for me."Xena: "Go to sleep."Gabrielle: "Alright ... I know you let me hit you."