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Trascrizione
in inglese dei dialoghi dell'episodio: Terza serie (si ringrazia Xenamedia e Cristina Creek) [TEASER] First Boy: "Come on! Xena rocks!" Second: "Aphrodite blows!" [Graffiti: "ELECT XENA GOD" "XENA RULES" "XENA'S da BOMB"] Aphrodite [Aph]:
"Delinquent losers! I've got half a mind to Ares: "A
love bolt? Hardly seems a threat. My, my-- they Aph: "Back off, Ar, I'm bummed out enough." Ares: "You know what your problem is." Aph: "Duh! Your little Xena!" Ares: [Makes buzzer
noise] "Gabrielle, her friend. See, I only Aph: "Xena?" Ares: "Don't
blame her. It's Gabrielle and her busy quill. ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- G: "I love
starting a new scroll. The feel of it in your hands. X: "It smells like musty old leather to me." G: "Well,
to the noncreative person, perhaps. Let's see. Your X: "Don't
you ever get tired of just writing down what I do? G: "You mean
fiction? Well, I thought about trying that-- X: "Give it a shot-- quietly. Good night." G: "'Xena-- '" X: "And make someone else the hero for a change." G: "'Xena--
had gone fishing. The lone warrior, Gabrielle, Aph: "Oh, yeah-- a lot of fun." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- G: "Xena!
We've got company! Xena! Wake up! Wake up! Xena! Barbarians "Huh?" J: [Screams] Barbarian: [Screams] G: "Ow." Barbarians: "Ow!
She's too much for us!" "Let's get out of J: "And don't come back!" G: "Did you see that?! Backflips! I don't do backflips." J: "Do you have armor on, under there?" G: "Where's
Xena? Who were those-- ? What are you-- ? Wait a J: "Whoa--
whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. Are you saying, G: "Yeow! Catch!" J: "Ow. Ow.
Something's wrong with this stick. Why'd I do G: "Because
I wrote you did. I can write anything-- and-- and ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- [ACT I] G: "In my
hands, this scroll could be a gift to mankind. Xena J: "Fishing?" G: "I wrote her fishing." J: "What'd
you write to bring me here? Like, uh-- you know? G: "'Fishing.'" J: "'Fishing.
Gabrielle awoke with a jerk. Gabrielle awoke G: "What
do we do? What won't we do? Stories can be anything J: "Hmm." G: "Excuse me. Aren't you the Sisters of Gaea?" Sisters: "Yes." G: "Is there-- something that we can do to, um-- help you? 1st Sister: "We're
collecting goods for our orphans-- things we 2nd Sister: "Now, that would fetch a pretty dinar." J: [Laughs] "Yes,
I'm sure it would, but-- I wouldn't give this G: "She means your scabbard." J: "Oh, right.
Uh-- no, no-- oh, no-- I couldn't. My father 2nd Sister: "Oh--
too bad. Ceremonial weapons and the like are J: "Oh." G: "Well,
you know, Sister-- I think you're going to get a Man: "Here." 1st Sister: "This will provide for our orphans for years!" 2nd Sister: "Yes, it's a miracle." G: "You're welcome." 2nd Sister: "Thank you." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Scaborus: "Give me back my kinsman's sword!" Man: "I just gave it away. Why did I do that?" Scaborus: "Well-- it doesn't really matter now, does it?!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Aph: [Whistles]
"Did the little blonde girlie scare the big, Barbarian: "We are barbarians. We fear nothing." Barbarian's Voice: "Yeah." Barbarian: "We fight-- with the heart of a lion." Aph: "And
you run with the feet of a chicken. Now-- get back on Barbarian's Voice: "Yes, Ma'am." Aph: [Sighs] "Barbarians." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- J: [Makes shadow dog and barking noises] G: "We don't
need your money, Joxer. I've got it covered. How Innkeeper: "Tha--
that will be-- free. All the food is free! G: "You see
there? All the food is free-- and the drinks are on Male Voice: "Free mead! I can't hold on-- !" G: "I think
I have to be a bit more careful with my wording. J: "Good ale." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Thallonius: "No
way, Ares. Not until I know for sure that Xena Ares: "I'm
giving you my word. I've taken care of it; she's Thallonius: [Chuckles]
"My men might believe that. I can Ares: [Choking
Warlord] "And how stupid are you? Stupid enough Thallonius: "May-
may- maybe-- but I'm definitely not stupid Ares: "Keep
your men here. I'll give you a signal. You'll know Thallonius: "But what-- what's the signal?" Ares: "You'll know when you see it." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Male Voices: "That's
what I think." "I'll drink to that!" Fill G: "Well--
time's a-wasting. We've got a lot of good to do Male Voices: "I
love you, man." Hah! You're drunk!" "Who are Vilius: [Belches] Innkeeper: "Come on, Vilius. You've had enough!" Vilius: "Who are you to tell me I've had enough!" [Barroom brawl starts to break out.] G: "You know?
There's always one drunk who spoils it for J: "One drunk?" Male Voices: "Hey! That's my mead!" [Aph materializes as brawl breaks out in full fury.] J: "Couldn't get any worse." G: "Well, this wasn't supposed to happen." Barbarian: "Where are they?!" J: "It got worse." Barbarian: "You.
You think you can make fools of us? We-- are Another Barbarian: "Huh?" Barbarian: "Yes. We will go west." Woman: "The
barbarians are headed for the Sisters of Gaea Aph: [Laughs] G: "Minor setback. 'They turned east.'" Barbarian: "No! We go east!" Woman: "Now they're heading for Akanacia!" Aph: [Laughs] G: "Um, 'The barbarians disappeared from the land!'" Barbarian: "This
way-- to the boats. We'll become pirates and-- Aph: [Laughs] G: "Um, 'The
barbarians went to the caves and fell into a deep Barbarian: "Wait! To the caves! I'm exhausted." J: "So, this is all the good you wanted to do, huh?" G: "Forget it. I am not writing another word." Aph: "Yes!" [Dematerializes] ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Woman's Voice: "Olives! Fresh olives!" G: "Now,
I don't get it. I mean-- my writing has always been J: "Well--
maybe it's too vivid. Maybe it needs a little work-- G: "I've
got it! I'm not editing my work. Joxer-- that's it. Ares: [Screams]
"My powers! What's happened to my powers?! G: "Um--
it's, it's not my fault. I-- I, I can fix this. Um-- Aph: [Screams] "Whoa. Wipeout." G: "Hmm." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- [ACT II] Ares: "Are
you out of your mind? You gave this blonde harpie Aph: "No,
I enchanted a scroll. And don't act so surprised! Ares: "No,
no, see-- what I wanted-- was for you to go after Aph: "Exsqueeze, me. It worked-- kind'a." G: "Wait
a minute. You wanted Xena out of the way, so you Aph: "Ares
was being his ususal manipulative self. He's got Ares: "You figured that all out by yourself, did you?" Aph: "Hey,
don't believe everything you hear about blondes. Ares: "No,
no-- write mine back in first. That army's waiting Aph: "Mmm-- not helping your cause any, Slick." Ares: "Oh.
I promise, if you give me my powers back, I'll call Aph: [Laughs] "Pigs can fly?" Ares: "You can." J: "Wait.
If you undo the scroll, Xena's gonna come back, and G: "That makes sense. Uh-- 'Aphrodite is as she was before.'" J: "She is as she was before. It's all in the wording." G: "OK, what if we fill up the scroll completely?" Aph: "Oh,
so now it's a curse. Before, it was a gift. And, no. J: "Look, just write, 'Everything is as it was before.'" Aph: "Then
we'll all go back to our baby cribs, and you'll go G: "Not exactly, I-- " Ares: "Ah-- 'Gabrielle awoke with a jerk.'" Aph: [Laughs] J: "I don't get it. What's so funny about waking up?" ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Thallonius: "Nonk [?]" Nonk [?]: "Thallonius, is that the signal to attack?" Thallonius: "No-- not the signal." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- G: "I have
to deconstruct the story, starting from the Ares: "Oh.
'Xena rides in at the the head of an army.' That's G: "We could
end up with an army of ants, or-- children-- or, J: "Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa, why don't we describe her?" G: "'Suddenly-- there was the arrival of the woman-- '" Ares: "'Leather'-- mention the leather." G: "'-- wearing
leather-- and, um-- [laughs]-- black hair-- J: "Wait.
Does anybody really know what a chakram is? And does G: "'-- carrying the whip of Xena.'" Minya: "I'm
here. I don't know why-- but I know I'm here-- to G: "Minya?" Ares: "Who is this?" G: "This
is Minya. She's our friend. She wants to be Xena-- Minya: "Never
leaves my side. So-- who's the stud, the dork, G: "This is Ares, Aphrodite-- and Joxer." Minya: "Wha-- Ares-- god of war!" Ares: "Hm-mm." Minya: "And
Aphrodite! You're the goddess of love! And Joxer-- ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Nonk: "Is that-- ?" Thallonius: "No, man-- that's lunch. Pluck it." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Aph: "Mmm--
you know, one thing I like about being mortal-- Minya: "You
know, my boyfriend, Hower-- he thinks that the Ares: [Laughs] G: "I'm supposed
to be the great bard with the wonderful J: "Yes you
can. I think your stories are-- are beautiful, and, 1st Sister: "You know that sword that man gave us?" 2nd Sister: "We sold it for a king's ransom to Philiadus." J: "See? You did some good. The orphans of Gaea." Scaborus: "You!
That is my kinsman's sword-- and you are a dead G: "Wait! What's your name?" Scaborus: "I
am Scaborous. Why? The caves. I must go to the Ares: "Those caves are gonna start gettin' pretty full." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Thallonius: "My throat is dry as dust. Where's my drink?" Soldier: "Coming, sir." Thallonius: "No-- that's not the sign." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- G: "You know,
I've been trying to bring Xena here. But why Aph: "Why
won't it stay up? Basic hair-care was not such a drag J: "I think it looks good on ya." Aph: "Flattery works, keep going." J: "Um--
you know what? I, I have this question for you. Um-- Aph: "Hello--
the love goddes is off the clock. I got my own J: "Yeah?" Aph: "Yeah-- lots and lots of presents." J: "Huh." Aph: "OK?" J: "Yeah." Aph: "Standard answer, now, give me my space." J: "Huh.
Poetry. Poetry. Huh. Let's see, um--which one [Whistles] Male Voice: "By the gods Look!" J: "What?" G: "You wrote on the scroll?" J: "Oh, I,
I-- well, I was just trying to write a limerick to G: "'A warrior,
Joxer the Mighty, J: "Had a
little trouble there. Anyone know a word that ends in G: "What does love's eyes have to do with me?" J: "Well-- well-- well-- the-- the-- the-- um-- " G: "I get
it. I get it. [Laughs] Of course. Love's eyes. J: "That's
it, exactly. Now-- let's send those three to the G: "To the caves!" J: "The cave." [Whistles] ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- J: "Aphrodite.
Aprhodite said get her a present. How am I ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- J: "This
is a family heirloom-- passed from father to son. Will Peddlar [Falafel-man]:
"Yeah, I'll trade. But you'll have to be ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- G: "What is-- ?" J: "You like it?" G: "Uh-- it's-- it's beautiful. But why?" J: "'Cause
I wanted to get you something. You know-- just to, G: [Chuckles] J: "I, um-- I had to-- trade my father's scabbard for it." G: "What?" J: "I had to trade my father's scabbard for it." G: "Joxer--
you said that you would never, ever part with that J: "Well--
you know, Gabrielle-- some things in life are worth G: "The scroll, Joxer." J: "Yeah?" G: "I hid the scroll in the scabbard." J: "You did?" G: "Where is it, now?!" J: "Ow! I
traded a peddlar for it. We can get it back! Ow! Woman: "You'd better hurry! It's raining dinars in town!" J: "That's funny." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- [ACT III] G: "I've
got it. Mm-hmm. I've got it. I know exactly what to Ares: "And just what-- will you write?" G: "Well,
Ares-- that's my business. Now, Aphrodite, Minya-- I J: "What about me?" G: "Well, Joxer-- " J: "Oh." G: "You get to go to the caves-- " J: "Say, Gab-- " G: "-- and you get to wait." J: "Huh." G: "Come on!" J: "Do-- ? The caves." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Aph: "Hi there, big boy." Old Man: "Call me when you've had a bath, toots." Minya: "OK--
the tavern-keeper-- said the peddlar headed out of Aph: "I'm gonna end up like you!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- G: "These ruts are deep-- as if he's carrying a load of dinars." Ares: "Where'd you learn to read trails like that?" G: "Xena--
of course. You know, you hang around her long Ares: "Oh,
yeah. I taught her that. When she came to me, she G: "Well, she has a different purpose, now." Ares: "I
know. She is so darned good at it. You know-- what G: "Well, how about what she pulled off with the Furies?" Ares: "Oh--
it was brilliant. Yeah. And she does it all with G: "Oh, yeah,
I've seen that one a few times. Ah, it looks like Ares: "Yeah.
We were starting to-- warm up to each other there, G: "Yeah, we were." Ares: "I didn't like it." G: "Right back at'cha." Ares: "OK." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- G: "Joxer!" J: "Shhh! I'm trying to disarm him." G: "I don't
know how, but you're going to screw it up. Now, J: "I'm not
gonna screw it up. As long as they don't wake up Scaborus: "Who's got it?!" J: "The scroll. Gab-- Gab-- Gab!" Barbarian: "Kill them! Kill them!" J: "Get him!" Barbarian: "Kill them!" Ares: "Come on! Let's go!" Scaborus: "Ugh!" G: "Not the scroll!" Scaborus: "Back off! Ugh! My kinsman's sword!" J: [Laughs] "Nice lookin', huh? Yeah." Peddlar: "I'll take that!" Barbarian: "This way!" G: "Time to end this once and for all." Scaborus: "You, there!" G: "Stay back!" J: "Gabrielle, over here." Peddlar: "Got'cha." G: "That's the way out of the caves!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Scaborus: "My sword!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Minya: "Come on! They're getting away!" Ares: "Me? I'm mortal. I might be killed." Minya: "Gods! You hair-balls! Get back here!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- J: "What'd you write in that scroll?!" G: "Instead
of bringing Xena to the scroll, I sent the scroll to ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Thallonius: "Ha-ha.
If that's not a sign from Ares, I don't ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- [ACT IV] G: "Ares--
we have got to catch up with your warrior friend, so Ares: "Well,
I can't stop them as a mortal. When I get my G: "You know, innnocent people are going to die." Ares: "Oh, yes-- innocent people." G: "Look!
With or without you, we're going to fight Aph: "Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-wait. Who, exactly, is 'We'?" J: "Wait. Did I smell something?" Aph: "Lay off of me, turkey!" J: "No-- oh, it's fish!" Aph: "I'm new to this mortal hygiene thing!" G: "Xena?" X: "Are you
looking for this, huh? I, uh-- I took it off a G: "Kind of messed it up, didn't I?" X: "Pretty much. Did you write that limerick?" J: "I did." X: "Figures. G: "You know,
I tried to get you back. I tried, 'Xena goes to X: "You sent
me to visit a girl I hadn't seen since I was five-- Ares: "What
about, 'Xena rejoins the woman who brought her to a X: "Mom says
thanks for the fish. I did start back once, but Aph: "Look,
I really hate to be the one to break up, like, a J: "Yeah-- and stop Thallonius from destroying the valley." Aph: "Whatever." X: "Aphrodite,
what was the charm that you used for the scroll? Aph: "Um--
'Lies will make the world go 'round, till truer words X: "So, if
you make something up, the scroll has the power to G: "OK, but
then how will we get rid of this warlord, X: "I'll
take care of him-- but you have to write down Aph: "But how're we gonna know if it worked?" X: "When you get your powers back, we'll know." J: "What's wrong?" G: "I, um-- I'm not really good at-- writing action." Ares: "What?
You follow Xena around-- you-- you follow Xena G: "You see,
I use metaphors. I write, 'Xena burst on the scene J: "You do that, we'll be picking her up in a million pieces." ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Thallonius: "Attack!
Attack! Attack! Go! Go! Go! Go! [Xena fish-fights
the Warlord in a fish-fight to end all J: "Xena
lays with a pike; then a trout. Bam, bam-- two quick J: "Oh! He's taking it on the chin!" X: "Ha-ha-ha!" J: "That
octopus came out of nowhere. Huh! She must have Ares: "Write, 'Xena hit the warrior with a squid.'" J: "That was an octopus." Ares: "I think-- I know a squid when I see one." Ares: "'Xena whacked the warrior with her sword.'" G: "'Whacked'? Is that a word?" J: "'Hit,' Say, 'Hit.'" G: "I don't think that's very literary. OK, 'Hit.'" J: "Xena fought with the warrior leader." G: "'Fought with the-- '" J: "Yeah. Hey, what do you mean, 'Awoke with a jerk.'?" Ares: "Just keep to the script." Minya: "I'm ready for action. Where's Xena?" J: "Minya, where are the barbarians?" Minya: "They
stopped fighting and ran back toBarbaria. My Aph: "I'm back! Later!" J: "Hmm. Oh. S-sorry." Ares: "Run,
maggot! Ooh, I still got it. What's that? Minya: "You
know? I expected more from the god of war. I mean, G: "How are those hormones, Minya?" Minya: "Raging. I, uh-- I might go see-- Hower." J: "Weird." G: "Hmm. I guess everythings' fine, now." X: "I guess so." J: "Hey,
look-- you still got some extra space at the bottom of G: "I guess that means there's something else to write." X: "Try, 'The End.'" G: "Well, OK-- I just-- I personally think that sounds a bit-- "
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